I’m going on holiday tomorrow and, to be quite honest, my mind is on anything other than writing this column. I have much to do: clothes to pack, books to choose and podcasts to burn to my Ipod, the usual run of the mill chores to get out of the way before I sit on the plane at take off and squeeze my partner’s hand into a messy pulp as the terror of flying sets in.
I had previously decided on choosing something relatively holiday-ish to write about tonight but one of the problems with Techno is that it doesn’t really do the Holiday tune particularly well, being far, far too much of a shaven headed, manly and grumpy sort of overly serious genre. As I’m not going away for a week in a steel foundry, I suspect any track I picked might well seem a little off. House music, of course, has no such issue with looking overly serious in its summer clobber, being a more light-hearted (although infinitely more twisted) kind of genre. Whilst This Old House isn’t quite your usual chunk of big room Ibiza holiday memories, there is something about it that is undeniably summery, sort of low slung and ready for anything. I do worry, though, that part of the reason for that is because, essentially, it’s a bit of a novelty record.
I hate novelty records with a passion that borders on the pathological. I just don’t get why people would buy something so one-dimensional and lame – and I speak as someone who bought an electro record that was constructed out of Jimmy Saville samples. I think part of my hatred stems from a six-week spell in hospital as a kid just as The Birdy Song was smashing the charts and was all that ever seemed to be on the radio for that whole period. It drove me spare and I still get a twitch in my eye every time I think about it. Summer always seem to draw them out of the woodwork too, an I’m not just talking about World Cup tie in crud either – If you go back far enough I bet you would find that Sultans of Ping FC released all their records in the summer, the bastards. They prey, like parasites, on people’s good humour and desire to have fun in the sun, but while you’re lying by the pool the inanity of the summer novelty smash is burrowing into your head like an insect about to lay its eggs….God help us all.
This Old House By Technique is very much a novelty record, but not in the same sort of way. While its ‘theme’ of a TV DIY presenter talking you through how to build a House track might seem a little on the cheesy side (alright, a lot cheesy,) it more than makes up for it by being a pretty mean piece of floor ready House. It’s what saves it and renders the narration ‘tongue in cheek’ rather than anything worse – and, to be honest, it’s all but impossible not to agree with his pronouncements – especially as the bass kicks in. Actually, I think there are a number of producers out there who could probably learn a lot by listening to what the man has to say….
Anyway, that’s me packed, taxi phoned and the hot water switched off. I’ll be back in ten days/two weeks and we shall pick up where we left off, except with a bit more of a tan. Hopefully. Ciao!